I never paid much attention to my close relationships. I don’t mean that in a dismissive way. I simply had good relationships; many have been part of my life for decades. I was not an overly religious man, but my relationship with faith existed, even if the intensity of that relationship was a low amplitude sine curve. I believe in Jesus, but He was someone I knew had my back even if I didn’t always make it to Mass. Not much thought was given.
Then we had COVID-19 and I was forced to reassess everything I believed to be true.
I made choices that had a real-world effect on those closest to me. Those decisions were sincerely made to protect the people I love, but they suffered nevertheless, even if the calculus was grounded in intellectual and moral clarity.
In early 2020, I wasn’t philosophically equipped to articulate the scope of what I was seeing, but I viscerally knew I had to say something. I had no choice; truth compelled me to speak.
I mean that literally. I felt like it was not my choice.
I spoke about science, not realizing the commentary was superficial. Without justifying my vain albeit good-intentioned motives, I would have never been able to make a spiritual journey without exercising my God-given ability to reason. Man’s capacity for logic is a gift, and it can be used for good or for ill.
My wife warned me to guard against vanity… particularly as it related to COVID-19. I like being right. I like to win an argument. I don’t always admit when I am wrong. I can dress up those failings with justifications rooted in shades of truth, but they are still failings…
… An argument isn’t meant to sway the opinions of the opponent; it is meant to sway the opinions of an audience …
… Truth isn’t revealed through silence…
… Reason must be tested and sharpened, like a sword…
My reasons were a weapon, but I hadn’t mastered the art of war. I had the martial acumen of a slave soldier. I held a sword and had more than enough strength to swing it. I was resilient, as a slave must be to survive, but I was using my weapon like some dull, blunt instrument. When I came to the realization that the battle wasn’t about noble differences of opinion, but rather about good and evil, about the future I want for my son, and protecting us from self-destructive fear, my sword finally hit its mark with the elegance of a blade.
I am no longer a slave.
I became part of a group of conscientious objectors and did my best to drag my friends to safety. We established Ragged Lines of battle and are on the offensive. My family and friends became my defenders and a haven in a way I had never imagined. They are my unit, and our tactical integrity matters more than anything else.
What does this have to do with relationships and faith? I wrote an email to members of Feds for Medical Freedom drawing parallels between the issuance of Executive Orders 14042 and 14043 and a near ambush. About 10 pounds ago, I served at 2/75 Ranger Battalion and that experience made me a better man. It taught me bravery, but it wasn’t until I was much older that faith became integrated into a mature worldview.
The email discussed military doctrine and how to survive a near-ambush. It failed to mention faith. Unwavering faith is a requirement for survival, for everything of importance.
Not everyone can swing a sword. I was lucky. I inadvertently spent a lifetime building a network of fighters. Perhaps it was God’s plan… They didn’t call me crazy when I said we weren’t facing a pandemic, we were facing evil.
Evil is powerful word, and our speech must be precise. It is evil when we defy all known science and deny our God-given gift of reason. When governments locked down healthy citizens, denied them cheap and effective treatments, censored opposing viewpoints, jailed those who spoke out, shut down business, destroyed the economy, kept loved ones apart, and made arbitrary decisions while claiming they “are the science” … that is evil.
The same oppressive pandemic response was echoed throughout the so-called free world, and it led me to believe this was a plan. It was apparent that this was premeditated evil.
Ephesians 6:10-18 brought me through the worst parts of the last three years, but On 9 September 2021, I had my spiritual awakening. I was wearing the armor of God and I finally knew how to effectively use the only offensive weapon God permits: the Sword of the Spirit, Logos, the Word of God. I had a network of people willing to engage directly and just as many willing to defensively fortify our position.
I knew I could fight, because I knew my family would savagely and selflessly protect those closest to me. There were many others just like them taking up defensive positions in support of our righteous cause. They were the shield bearers. Many of these relationships were people I always assumed would have my back, and they did.
There is a silver lining. If I must redefine my life at 51, COVID-19 helped me circle the wagons and hang on to only the most important people. I also found a group of spiritually grounded, new friends who are a worthy investment. I am not sure some of these people know the value I place on their discourse, but I intend to do a better job communicating as such.
Damian is new friend and uses the handle @raggedlines on Twitter and posts on a Substack with the same name. Please read his posts and follow him. He took a break from content focused primarily on the absurdity of the world’s response to COVID-19 and published a short but moving article about faith. It was the inspiration for this personal post. He is an individual who wields words to great effect. I have chatted with him only briefly and he is someone I hope to get to know better.
If you are reading this Substack, send me a message and say hi. I have room for others in my life.